Since my boyfriend has been out of town this week and his roommate went out of town for most of the weekend, I was asked to feed Justice, the resident kitty. The hardest part of this task was unlocking their apartment since I am incompetent with keys. So as I worked, Justice and I had a conversation:
Me: ::rattling keys in lock as I try in vain to open door::
Justice: Meow? (Someone is here? You will feed me?)
Me: Hi, Justice. Yes, I am trying to open the door.
Justice: Meow? (Can’t you try harder? I’m really hungry and lonely.)
Me: I can’t seem to get this lock to open.
Justice: Meow? (Oh, are you just teasing me? You aren’t really going to feed me, are you?)
Me: Goddamn lock! Hi, Justice, kitty– I will open the door soon.
Justice: Meow? (I’m out of water and I’m so, so lonely. If you open the door and stop teasing me I will be your very best friend and I will love you until you attend to all of my needs)
Me: Oh, this other key seems to work better. ::door opens:: Oh, hello, kitty! You are a good kitty! No, don’t come out. I will come in and feed you.
Justice: Meow? ::rub:: (Oh, I love you, love you, love you. You are the best! You are so smart to figure out that door– you know I have never quite gotten the knack of opening that thing. Oh, no, you don’t have to feed me– your presence is enough– well, OK, you can feed me, but I really need water, too– I am parched! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!)